Avoid Adjective Overload
By Denise Loock
Too much
of a good thing also applies to adjectives. We writers may think we’re
enhancing a reader’s sensory experience by adding multiple adjectives, but we
may be ruining it.
In Stein on Writing, Sol Stein makes this
observation: “Experience proves that when two adjectives are used, eliminating
either strengthens the text.”[1] As
a reader who loves description, I wanted the acclaimed author and editor to be
wrong. But when I applied his advice to the manuscripts I write and edit, I
discovered he was correct.
Let’s
look at a couple of examples:
Brayden was a weak, ineffective
leader. Which
adjective would you eliminate? Weak seems
vague. The sentence communicates the same thought without it: Brayden was an
ineffective leader.
Emily wore a bright, floral
scarf. Which adjective
is easier to visualize? I’d choose floral.
If it’s important to know more about the scarf—something that would reveal
character or advance plot—add more details in other sentences. Otherwise, keep
it simple.
In a letter
to D. W. Bowdon, Mark Twain wrote, “When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't
mean utterly, but kill most of them—then the rest will be valuable. They weaken
when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart.”[2]
Here’s an
illustration of what Twain means:
A rusty yellow two-door sedan
blocked the entrance.
What do the adjectives add to the meaning of the sentence?
How many details does the reader need about the car? Unless the additional
description is vital to the plot, use fewer words: A rusty sedan blocked the
entrance.
Sometimes
you don’t need an adjective at all. Actions and dialog communicate the same
information in a more effective way:
Sarah was hot.
Replace the adjective with action: Sarah wiped the sweat off
her forehead with the back of her hand.
Replace with dialog: “You could roast a chicken on the
sidewalk today.”
Carl was hungry.
Replace with action: Carl opened a jar of peanut butter, then
used his finger as a spoon.
Replace with dialog: “Where can a guy get some grub around
here?”
This week,
go on an adjective safari. Follow Twain’s advice and “kill most of them.”
Eliminate adjectives
that slow the pace, muddy the meaning, or reduce the impact of your sentences.
Your manuscript will be stronger without them.
If we apply the one-is-enough motto to adjectives, our readers will thank us. And maybe our books and articles won’t end up in the trashcan.
[1] Sol Stein. Stein on Writing (New York: St. Martin’s Press), 1995, 198.
[2] TwainQuotes.com. http://www.twainquotes.com/Adjectives.html.
(Photos courtesy of Microsoft 365.)
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Denise is the author of two devotional books, Open Your Hymnal and Open
Your Hymnal Again, which
highlight the scriptural truths of classic hymns and gospel songs. She is the
founder of Dig Deeper Devotions, a website that encourages Christians of all
ages to dig deeper into the Word of God. Three collections of devotions from
the website are available on Amazon: Restore
the Joy: Daily Devotions for December, Restore the Conversation: Fifty
Devotions on Prayer, and Restore the
Hope: Devotions for Lent and Easter.
Denise teaches two online PEN Institute courses: Sentence Diagraming 101 and
Editing Devotionals 101. She also writes “Mind Your MUGS,” a grammar and usage
column for Christian Communicator.
Denise, this is a fabulous, informative, and significant article. (I could not help myself--grab your editor pen and whack two of those adjectives!) I love your ice cream topping analogy. VSH
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. Whack those adjectives.
Delete