Wordy, Wordy, Wordy

By Andrea Merrell

Have you ever paid for a critique or entered a contest only to be told you were too wordy? Maybe they said you need to write tight or go back and cut out all your weasel words (unnecessary words that add nothing). Maybe they said you used too many adverbs or labored over your descriptions.

Did you go back through your MS (manuscript) wondering what in the world they meant? You wrote your story the way you saw it in your head. How could you possibly go back and cut such beautiful prose?

The problem is we don’t see these issues in our own writing. That’s why we need editors, proofreaders, critique groups, and beta readers for another set of eyes on our work. After all, we need to trust the folks who will be reading our books, right?

As you look through your WIP (work in progress)—and I suggest reading it out loud—here are a few examples of being too wordy to get you started as you learn to tighten your own writing. (BTW: these are taken from actual edited manuscripts.)

Wordy:

Nancy proceeded to get ready for her weekly trip to go to the store. 

Better:
Nancy got ready for her weekly shopping trip. 

Wordy:

If anyone was going to know whether or not a picture had been photoshopped, it would certainly be a photographer or someone who takes lots of pictures.

Better:
A photographer would know for certain if a picture had been photoshopped. 

Wordy:

Tracy peered into the rectangular-shaped window of the door and saw that Mrs. Adams was sitting at her desk busily typing away on her computer. 

Better:

Tracy saw Mrs. Adams at her desk typing away on her computer.        

Wordy:

That’s when Bonnie was starting to come to the realization that Kent was hurting way more than she’d previously thought possible.

Better:

That’s when Bonnie realized how much Kent was hurting.                 

See how a slight difference can change the flow of your story and move it forward? Learn to say the most in the least amount of words, and make each word count.

Here's a challenge for you: Go through the first three pages of your WIP and see how many words you can eliminate or find better ways to rearrange your sentences. Your readers will thank you.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash