Stop Me If I’ve Told You This Before
By Yolanda Smith
Ever feel like a broken
record? Ever feel like a broken record? Okay. I admit that’s a lame opening
sentence. Nobody under the age of thirty-five will have had an occasion to hear
a scratched record. If you’ve had the aggravation joy of owning LPs at
some point in your history, you’ve experienced the infernal rush to lift the
needle and stop the irksome clip of repetition charging through your brain.
Repetition has its
place, and folks have called it the key to learning. But it is not the key to
good writing. I’ve listed some repeat offenders (wink, wink) to be aware of
when self-editing your work.
Repeating Words
One of the easiest
offenses to commit is word repeats. The good news is it’s also one of the
simplest to recognize and remedy. See if you can spot the culprits in the
following paragraph:
Nora’s
juice trickled across the floor. She held her breath and glanced from the floor
to Mama. She waited to see what Mama would do. The floor had just been mopped
this morning, and a sticky floor was at the top of Mama’s list of aggravations.
The last time Nora had spilled juice on the floor Mama had made her scrub the
floor once with a rag, and again with a toothbrush.
This paragraph has additional
structural issues, but we are focusing on the repeats. Check out the rewrite
and see how this issue has been resolved:
Nora’s
juice tumbled off the table. She held her breath and glanced from the mess to
her mother. She waited for what would surely follow. The floor had just been
mopped this morning, and sticky tile was at the top of Mama’s list of
aggravations. The last time Nora had caused this catastrophe Mama had made her
scrub the surface once with a rag, and again with a toothbrush.
One of the simplest
fixes for word echoes is to search the synonym list in the thesaurus. Still, this
doesn’t always solve the problem. Some words don’t have a large synonym bank
from which to draw. Here, writers get to be creative in rearranging phrases and
sentences to eliminate the word or find other ways to convey the meaning.
Repeating Phrases
When phrases are
repeated, even at larger intervals, they catch our eye faster than single word infractions:
If
Melvin hadn’t been precariously perched under the stairs that day, he would
never have known who his real grandmother was. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop,
and it would never have happened if Clyde hadn’t lost the bronze amulet between
the worn treads. In fact, this was the time of day Melvin would have been
precariously perched on the roof instead.
It’s easy to smell a
pet phrase from a mile down the road. The longer or more unique a particular
phrase is, the less a writer can get away with reusing it.
Repeating Ideas
A subtler reiteration
has to do with the rephrasing of ideas. Here’s a sample:
Anxiety
is something we all deal with at some point in our lives. It is not an isolated
emotion that attacks a relative few. Worry is not specific to gender, age, or
socioeconomic status. Concern does not discriminate between people of faith and
nonbelievers. Apprehension hounds everyone.
This five-sentence
paragraph might have been reduced to the first sentence alone, but would have,
at a minimum, benefitted from culling the second and fifth sentences.
Repeating Actions
This writing faux pas
makes an appearance more often in fiction than nonfiction. Characters who are
forever nodding, smiling, standing, or sitting make for dull story companions.
It is important to give
characters a wide variety of actions, as well as individual traits that
distinguish them from one another. However, none of their unique actions should
resurface across every scene. We are creatures of habit in real life, but
habits on the page will bore the reader unless these inclinations are sprinkled
selectively throughout the manuscript.
Repeating Sentence Starts/Repeating
Paragraph Starts
This is another
easy-to-spot, easy-to-fix blunder.
Janelle
held the gun in shaking fingers. She couldn’t believe she’d pulled the trigger
and felled the invader. She had no idea who he was, but Daddy had taught her to
shoot first and ask questions later. She nudged him with her toe to make sure
he was dead.
What tools could we use
to repair this sample? The possibilities for improvements are limitless. Change
statements to questions, combine short sentences or divide long ones, or experiment
with word order. Paragraph starts are harder to watch out for, but a glance
through each scene or chapter with a laser focus on opening words will reveal
any missteps.
Repetition for Emphasis
Occasionally writers
need to repeat a word for emphasis. Occasionally.
These instances need close examination and should be spread thinner than a
skimpy paycheck.
If you struggle to find
repeats in your manuscript, help can often come in the form of a read-aloud
session. This is especially effective if someone else reads your work to you.
Repetition is not my
friend. My teenagers have a compulsion for saying, “Mom, you’ve told us this
already.” I don’t want my readers doing the same, and I’m guessing neither do
you.
Let me hear from you. Which of these
infractions do you struggle with most? What are your best remedies for weeding
repeat offenders?
(Photos courtesy of
FreeDigitalPhotos.net and Stuart Miles.)
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